Giving up control is so good for your health

Control is an issue that a lot of us have.  It can rear it’s ugly head in so many ways.
Truth is though, the only thing you can control is how you react to a situation.   Anything else you’re just stressing yourself and hurting others.
Control can sneak in with so many forms
As mums, it’s normal to have a lot of control when they are babies, toddlers and young children.  The problem comes when they are teenagers.  This is the time we should let go of the reins and let them explore – make mistakes, learn who they are and what they like/want to be.
Trying to control every little thing at that age is not good.  The reality is that our kids need to spread their wings.  It’s better for them to make little life mistakes when they are still with you.  They have a safe haven and know they are ok.  It’s certainly better to let them experiment (in a healthy way) so they know their limits and boundaries as an adult.
Here’s the thing, the more we hold them back the more they will either rebel or get themselves into unsafe situations when they are finally ‘free’ from you. 
The other issue with being too controlling is that your kids will not feel confident and safe to confide in you.  This could be because of your reaction or the fact they have disappointed you.
As a mum of two teenagers, I’ve been involved in plenty of wild conversations.  The key?  Be completely open and don’t judge. 
The same rules apply to all other areas of your life.

Why Give Up Control

You cannot control your husband ,  wife, work colleague, friend, situation.  It was super frustrating for me when I first started on my health journey.  I just couldn’t understand why the rest of my Control is an issue that a lot of us have.  It can rear it’s ugly head in so many ways.
Truth is though, the only thing you can control is how you react to a situation.   Anything else you’re just stressing yourself and hurting others.
Control can sneak in with so many forms
As mums, it’s normal to have a lot of control when they are babies, toddlers and young children.  The problem comes when they are teenagers.  This is the time we should let go of the reins and let them explore – make mistakes, learn who they are and what they like/want to be.
Trying to control every little thing at that age is not good.  The reality is that our kids need to spread their wings.  It’s better for them to make little life mistakes when they are still with you.  They have a safe haven and know they are ok.  It’s certainly better to let them experiment (in a healthy way) so they know their limits and boundaries as an adult.
Here’s the thing, the more we hold them back the more they will either rebel or get themselves into unsafe situations when they are finally ‘free’ from you. 
The other issue with being too controlling is that your kids will not feel confident and safe to confide in you.  This could be because of your reaction or the fact they have disappointed you.
As a mum of two teenagers, I’ve been involved in plenty of wild conversations.  The key?  Be completely open and don’t judge. 
The same rules apply to all other areas of your life.
family were not on board.  Man, it drove me crazy.  To the point where I started to get controlling.  And then there were disagreements and lots of grumpy stressful days.
Generally, we try and control out of love and wanting the best for the people in our lives.  I know for myself, I just wanted the best for my family – but I went about it the wrong way.
Once I realised that it is not my job to control another person, it was a lightbulb moment!
Yes, at first it was difficult getting used to not being involved in every aspect of every decision.   But over time I realised that the best way to implement change is to change yourself first.  That way you can do your thing and possibly lead by example.

How Life Changes Once You Give Up Control

A few things will happen once you learn to let go of control:
 
  • More time – if you only have to look after the nitty gritty for yourself, wow that frees up a lot of time!
  • Become more carefree – being controlling is very tiring! And it takes an awful lot of time.  Just imagine, you can pick and choose each day what you would like to focus your attention on.
  • Relationships improve – once people realise you are not going to be controlling, they will be more inclined to include you. They can be themselves and ask for advice knowing that you will not want to control the situation.
  • Increase your energy – by controlling and micromanaging everyone, you can be really exhausted. There is so much extra energy available when you stop!
  • Less stress – just let things be. If it doesn’t concern you or you cannot do anything about it, then just be like Teflon baby.  Let it slide right off.
  • A sense of freedom – it’s so freeing just to let this stuff go.  Life is too short to worry and control things that don’t even concern us!
  • Your to do list shrinks – when you don’t try and control everything, life is a whole lot easier
  • You regain your dignity – when you are controlling, there’s often some pretty ordinary moments when you lose your shit. Imagine being calm, happy and neutral.  Wow, that is awesome.
  • You feel part of the group / family – instead of being the one always fighting the system or trying to get things your own way, you will be included as part of the team. And that is priceless.
 
Photo credits:  James Pond ; Nathan Dumlao ; Markus Winkler:  Unsplash